Another girl…

28 Nov

… not the smartest, to be honest. Not the most fun one. Not me. Not the most sober either.

A girl that does stupid stuff. Starts smoking, quits after two days realising that it’s nothing like her. A girl that drinks too much and kisses guys, but then doesn’t remember the next day. A girl that also kissed a very good guy, but dumps him cause he’s not enough. Then regrets it but can’t take it back. A girl that is abroad in a beautiful country, but doesn’t seem to be finding a home. A girl that follows someone to Sicily only to see confermed the guy only knows her if something is needed. A girl that gets overwhelmed thinking about next year so only thinks about tomorrow. A girl that seems lost more then ever, to be honest.

And then, there’s me. What do I think of this girl? Can I stop behaving like her or did I become her? Can I find my good self from this summer back? And why did saying yes in Bucharest turn out so much better then in Milan? Can I be who I would like to be or does it all depend on company and circumstance?

But most of all: will I ever find the real me? Or keep discovering other versions of that girl? Better ones, and worse… smarter and more stupid… one think is certain: the ‘smartest girl’ is gone. And I consider that a good thing. Boundaries of what seemed possible were erased, life is there for me to take on. And that is scary, I can tell you. But also amazing.

Maybe I should move to India. I hear they need some architects?

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