Tag Archives: anger

Be the better person

7 Mar

‘If anyone slaps you on the right cheek, turn to them the other cheek also’
Be the better person
Don’t sink to their level
Rise above
Respect your parents
Bite your tongue
Count to ten
Think about the summer
It’s just for now
She can’t help it… just go with it
You are better than this
Act like the adult here

It’s all easier said then done. And apparently, turning the other cheek didn’t mean ‘let everybody walk over you’. It was a peaceful act of resistance. Rebellion. Oh, I’ld love to. But I depend on them. It’s very cruel to say, but I need the money to study. I need them, for now. Rising above…

 

The real one

8 Dec

Do you know what I really like? Food.
And do you know what happens when I have a lot of stress? I loose my appetite.

Do you know what I need when I have a piano exam? My fingers.
And do you know what happens when I’m nervous for a piano exam? My fingers start to tremble.

Do you know what I need to give a presentation? My voice.
And do you know what happens to my voice when I’m nervous to talk in front of a big audience? It starts to tremble.

I think my point is clear. Stress has a big effect on me, on the way I feel and on my body. And I don’t like that. I can’t control it, let alone get rid of it. It makes me angry and scared and an ass to the people that happen to be in my way and I can’t sleep so it makes me tired too.
But the good thing is that I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. It’s only 16  days away. That’s only 384 hours. Or 23040 minutes. I can survive that!

So goal for the next two weeks: surviving. I’m being lived right now, I’m not alive. There’s a difference, and I know that. I’m aware that this is not who or how I want to be. But I have to. Just for now.

After these two weeks, and after these two last years, I’ll find what makes me happy. For real. And I’m scared because everybody seems to know what they want in life. But I have the feeling that they just don’t think about it as much as I do. That’s me I guess.

And it sounds wrong to postpone life. To say that you’re gonna have the life you want later, just wait a while… I know that. It should happen right now. But right now I have to do this thing first. This schoolthing, that makes me so tired. Once I have a piece of paper that tells the world that I graduated, I’m ready to leave. Leave this life and move on to the next one. The good one. The real one.

Dark

4 Dec

I’m in a dark place. But I convinced myself a while ago that dark places have a bright side.
Because how would we recognise the happy places if we’d never seen a dark one?

Every down has its up, every big has its small,
every good has its bad, every winter has its summer,
every night has its day.
And that’s what makes things interesting.
You enjoy travelling more when you’ve worked your ass off during the year, you enjoy a party more when you’ve had a crappy day. You rise higher if you’ve been really low.
I wouldn’t want a flat-line-life, where every day is average. I accept the really bad days, so that when the really good ones come, I’ll be ready to enjoy them.

(Goal achieved… remember this ?
I wonder how long I’ll be keeping this feeling. We’ll see!)

I guess this means I need a new goal. Being honest with the people I love would be a good one. I don’t know how I did it (again) but somehow everybody thinks I’m fine. I managed to support everybody around me because they needed it, without mentioning that I could use some help too… and when I came home, my dad was angry that I wasn’t all smiling and joy. Instead of asking what was wrong, he just sighed very loud, looked as if I was the biggest disappointment in his life and walked away. And now I’m too angry even to be angry at him. So I shut up and work.