Tag Archives: friends

Just a girl

25 Mar

She had music in her ears.
Her step was fast and firm. She obviously knew where she wanted to go.

Her clothes were sexy, but her skirt was not too short.
She wore a little eyeshadow, for the first time in her life.

Just a day before, she felt she could conquer the world. Now, she knew better.
But still, if not the world, she could win over part of it…

When she walked into the room, eyes turned. Not all of them, but some. The eyes of her friends. She greeted them with smiles and they told her that she had been missed.

She noticed someone at the other end of the room. But he could wait. She would talk to him, eventually. But not for now. Her friends were more important, she had missed them too. And she would be away for so much longer…
Talk about bad timing to fall in love. Not that that’s timeable at all.

She laughed and had fun. Unbelievable that just some months ago, she had totally forgotten to feel like this.
Good. Not more, not less. Just good about herself. Just a girl.


The red and the white

18 Mar

You know, the two small versions of yourself, sitting on your shoulders,
the one on the right is white, the one on the left is red?

They give you advice. Or rather, they stalk you with random comments.

The red one said: Oh look, over there, the cute guy from highschool…

The white one: Oh no, not him again. Look away!
(and then, after some seconds): I said, Look away! There’s another cute guy over there, look at him!

The red one: Okay, it’s now or never. You almost never bump into this guy. What could be wrong with saying hi?

The white one: Don’t be stupid, she’s not gonna do that! What would he think?

The red one: What would he think? You’ll never know if you don’t talk to him, right? And by the way, he probably had so many beers by now that he won’t remember a thing in the morning.

The white one: Oh, he will remember. And he’ll think you’re embarrassing.

The red one: Nonono, he won’t think you’re embarrassing, he’ll find you cute! Look how amazing your dress looks on you! Just go for it!

The white one: I warn you, if you dare to step closer…

The red one: Too late, I’m gone already.

And yes, I walked over to him. I said hi. He’ll probably think I’m a crazy stalkerish funny little weird girl. With curls. But I did it, didn’t I?


24 Jan

Friends do not only call when they need you.
They remember your birthday, even in stressfull times.
They surprise you with an unexpected e-mail.
They ask you how you’re doing and wait for you answer.
They wish you good luck when you have an important day.

I should find some. I should be one.

At the end of the tunnel

26 Dec

I’s good to be at the end of the tunnel. There’s christmas lights and snow. Friends and family. There’s music and presents. There’s food, lots of food that I need to regain my strength.

But it seems as if there’s another tunnel coming up. One without a clear light at the end. One with work and stupid conversations. One with sadness and tears. I hope I’ll find another way to get to the other side of the mountains. The high road maybe. With spectacular views along the way that award me for the climbing that I have to do to get there.

Today, however, all of that will wait. It’s my day today. I have more eating and partying to do. And more sleeping, definitely. I have friends to mail to and bottles of wine to open. I have some thinking to do and some planning. And I believe that I will get there.

Christmas brings hope and dreams and family and friends. What more do you need? Merry Christmas is all I’ve left to say.


4 Dec

I’m in a dark place. But I convinced myself a while ago that dark places have a bright side.
Because how would we recognise the happy places if we’d never seen a dark one?

Every down has its up, every big has its small,
every good has its bad, every winter has its summer,
every night has its day.
And that’s what makes things interesting.
You enjoy travelling more when you’ve worked your ass off during the year, you enjoy a party more when you’ve had a crappy day. You rise higher if you’ve been really low.
I wouldn’t want a flat-line-life, where every day is average. I accept the really bad days, so that when the really good ones come, I’ll be ready to enjoy them.

(Goal achieved… remember this ?
I wonder how long I’ll be keeping this feeling. We’ll see!)

I guess this means I need a new goal. Being honest with the people I love would be a good one. I don’t know how I did it (again) but somehow everybody thinks I’m fine. I managed to support everybody around me because they needed it, without mentioning that I could use some help too… and when I came home, my dad was angry that I wasn’t all smiling and joy. Instead of asking what was wrong, he just sighed very loud, looked as if I was the biggest disappointment in his life and walked away. And now I’m too angry even to be angry at him. So I shut up and work.


19 Nov

I’ve been a good friend this week. I checked in on my closest friends, asked if they were fine (most of them were working as hard as I am and stressed out too). I invited them to evenings out but they were too busy and couldn’t come. I even told them I miss them, which for me is not something I say easily. I don’t have the feeling they got the point though, since so far, none of them have asked me if I’m fine too. Which is fine, they have a hard life, I get it.

And: I did what I wanted to do this week: I slept more, drank less coffee, was a good friend, worked hard.
So why don’t I feel better about myself? I should be proud!
So for next week: try to be proud. Stop asking so much from myself. (Like I don’t ask too much from my friends.)

Lonely at the top

15 Nov

I have a problem. But I’ll admit right away that it’s a luxuryproblem.
Most of the time I look like I’m doing okay. When I was younger, this used to be the case. I never had problems in school, I had nice friends, I got good grades, everybody thought that I was fine. And I was.
But when you achieve too many great things, when you’re good at what you do more than once, they just stop caring. They stop asking. They just assume that you’ll do it, make it, get there.

And the thing is, I mostly get there. But not without struggle! I have to fight hard to do what I want. I have difficult times too! But people seem to forget that. So nobody asks if I’m fine. Nobody congratulates me anymore. And I get it, they have problems too. But sometimes it would be nice…

So another goal for this week: pay attention to everybody that I like, and ┬ábe a good friend. Even though I don’t have time. At all… But for friends time is makeable!