Tag Archives: growing up

Growing up

8 Jan

I think I’m growing up. It’s scary and reassuring at the same time.

Somehow, I feel secure, I know who I am and what I can do.
I know I’m intelligent, I walk like I’m someone. I look like I have a life.

But it’s scary as hell too. I used to think I wanted to stay young forever, travel the world, learn, have no responsibilities at all. I used to want to feel free.
And part of me still does, but another part accepted that I’ll have to work, to settle, to be real.

And I’m scared to loose all of my love for freedom. That I’m gonna settle for second-best. That I’ll stop dreaming. That I’m not good enough for my own dreams. That I’ll never find my own life. That I missed opportunities. That I’m not who and where I want to be.

I think I’ll always be thinking too much, and maybe not doing enough.

But I have my whole future to keep improving, don’t I?


Strategic plan

9 Jan

I definitely needed a plan to get out of the mess I made of myself…

and if there’s something I’m good at, it’s making plans

As you know, I tend to think about the future (and about the past, for that matter) a lot. Planning is my way of telling myself that everything will be fine. If I just stick to the plan, that is…

And I know too much planning isn’t good. Spontaneous decisions can be the best ones, impulsivity is a good thing. But this time, some kind of strategy was the way to go.

But I can’t tackle all of the issues at once. Eat more, drink water, sleep at night and work during the day, have some normal conversations. All things that seem to be easy. But more than that: they are crucial to feel good. I never realized that before. You don’t know a good thing untill it’s gone.

And I’m happy to say that I’m going uphill since the low point. I’ve even reached the first viewpoint, and the landscape looks pretty awsome. Let’s say that the journey may be still long (and sometimes hard), but I feel ready again. And it was about time…

Living for the weekend

8 Jan


Selfdestruction is my best friend… and I’m living for the weekend,

except that I don’t even have a weekend to live for.

Okay, I realise that this sounds beyond sad. And I’m not that sad. Or am I?

Anyway, the selfdestruction-part sounds alarmingly true. I don’t sleep enough, I don’t eat enough (which, for me, is absolutely wrong). At least I drink enough, right? But hydration vs coffee and alcohol? I wonder how usefull that is…

I don’t know what’s going on. I even scare myself. I keep myself destracted not to have to think about it. And now that I’m writing this, I know that it’s a way of reaching out for help. The thing is that I should tell my friends or maybe even my family. Why don’t I? And this post is the most pathetic piece of text I ever wrote. I’m ashamed that it had to come this far. But at the same time I just hope that this is the low point I had to fall to before I could crawl up and take my life back.

The goal this week? I think that’s clear. Use the strength that is now hidden somewhere deep inside me to reclaim my life. Step by step, maybe, I shouldn’t want to much at a time. ┬áBut I’ll be back, that’s a promise I make myself…


9 Nov

This summer, I met some new people, and some of them told me that I was mature for my age. It’s something that didn’t come as a surprise to me. But I don’t know if it’s a good thing.
Growing up, I discovered that being too responsible has made me miss out on some really good stuff. I’ld love to be that person that can go totally crazy and just say yes to things because it feels right, without thinking about the consequences like I always do. Well, always…
I’ve learned to say ‘yes’ more, lately. And it’s something I can advice anyone. Just say yes more often. It should improve your day! (But I guess a little thinking still has to happen too… find a balance!)