Tag Archives: life

Those days

8 Feb

There are those days when you open the curtains in the morning and the sun outside makes you smile ear to ear.
And okay, when you go outside it’s still cold and you wish you had put a warmer coat (where it not that your warmest coat disappeared after a memorable night out),
but you feel invincible and happy.
Those are the days… the days that something goes the way it should, that people tell you that you did okay, that end with a beautiful evening.
The days that you feel like you reached a goal (however tiny it may be in the end), that you’re proud to be who you are.
The days that somehow, you shine.
The days that you are the person you’ve always wanted to be, but were to afraid too show.
The days that you get the affirmation you already knew you deserved.
Those are the days…

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Growing up

8 Jan

I think I’m growing up. It’s scary and reassuring at the same time.

Somehow, I feel secure, I know who I am and what I can do.
I know I’m intelligent, I walk like I’m someone. I look like I have a life.

But it’s scary as hell too. I used to think I wanted to stay young forever, travel the world, learn, have no responsibilities at all. I used to want to feel free.
And part of me still does, but another part accepted that I’ll have to work, to settle, to be real.

And I’m scared to loose all of my love for freedom. That I’m gonna settle for second-best. That I’ll stop dreaming. That I’m not good enough for my own dreams. That I’ll never find my own life. That I missed opportunities. That I’m not who and where I want to be.

I think I’ll always be thinking too much, and maybe not doing enough.

But I have my whole future to keep improving, don’t I?

Einstein

21 Apr

I feel the need to write something, I just don’t know what about…

The sun outside? The lack of excitingness? The pile of work that only seems to get bigger, even though I’m working all the time? The need for a drink (a serious drink with cool people)? The lack of passion inside?

I don’t really know. There’s a lot that I don’t seem to know these days. Who am I? What do I want? And most of all: what am I doing?

Not that I’m not happy. Actually, I feel quite good. As long as I don’t think too long ahead (thinking ahead has never really worked out before, why doesn’t my head get that?).

The clue is relativation. Einstein knew it. What is that, important? What is that, life? What is that, working on a sunny day? It’s all just as bad or as good as you want it to be. It’s all just relative.

(Turnes out that when I just start typing, some pretty filosofical stuff comes out. Wonder where that came from?)

Defined

2 Apr

The trick is not to let yourself define by the shit that happens to you, but by the way you cope with it.

Fight or flight.
Smile or cry.
Get up or stay down.
Open your eyes or close them.
Know your fear or ignore it.
Live or die.
Sun or rain.
Half full or half empty.
Awake or keep sleeping.
Sober up or drink more.
Get outside or stay in.

A life with ups and downs or just one flat line.

Plan B

27 Feb

Okay, this might sound weird. Even though I lack a plan A (obviously, I don’t know what I want in life!), I have a plan B. A plan for when things don’t work out or when I get that fed up with the world as it is that I can’t go on any longer. The plan is simple.

Go away. To a small village, who knows where (it really doesn’t matter, as long as it is unknown and very, very far). Take books (a lot of them, so that I can read at least five at the same time, to avoid being bored). Learn how to grow potatoes and tomatoes and stuff like that. Learn how to build a house (not in theory this time, but in reality, with my own hands) and apply this knowledge in foresaid far-away-place. Try and survive without a real job. (Unless somebody knows a way of getting paid for reading books?) Only connect to the internet once a week (if possible at all) and stop using cellphones (who needs them anyway?). mp3-player is allowed, because music as essential. And so on.
Some details have to be worked out, I know. First of all, I don’t have the money to pay for a piece of land or building materials. Also, I will need some electricity to charge the mp3-player. Maybe wind-energy? (I don’t trust solar panels. Heavy metals can’t be good). But aside from that, It sounds pretty good to me.

Maybe it could even be my plan A. Screw the people who will say that I’m crazy. I know that. But everything is relative… Or have I mentioned that before?

Facts

24 Jan

Sometimes things do not seem fair. Sometimes the facts just suck.
But they are not more then what they are. They are just facts.

And life is not about the facts. It’s not about how things are. It’s about how we deal with them.

You get to know people for real at times when things are hard. You get to know life when it hits you in the face. You push boundaries when you have no other choice. That is how we learn. The hard way.
And that’s the upside of every down.

Belief

19 Jan

I don’t believe in politics.
I don’t believe in god.
I don’t believe in the power of people (look where it brought us).
I don’t believe in war.
I don’t believe in fate.
I don’t believe in changing the world.
I don’t even know if I believe in love.

But I do believe in art.
I believe in music.
I believe in beauty.
I believe  in poetry.
I believe in strong individuals.
I believe in film.
I believe in stories.

And I believe in faith.
If everybody would have something true to believe, a real purpose in their life,
things would maybe start to make sense.
Or would they?