Tag Archives: smart

Lonely at the top

15 Nov

I have a problem. But I’ll admit right away that it’s a luxuryproblem.
Most of the time I look like I’m doing okay. When I was younger, this used to be the case. I never had problems in school, I had nice friends, I got good grades, everybody thought that I was fine. And I was.
But when you achieve too many great things, when you’re good at what you do more than once, they just stop caring. They stop asking. They just assume that you’ll do it, make it, get there.

And the thing is, I mostly get there. But not without struggle! I have to fight hard to do what I want. I have difficult times too! But people seem to forget that. So nobody asks if I’m fine. Nobody congratulates me anymore. And I get it, they have problems too. But sometimes it would be nice…

So another goal for this week: pay attention to everybody that I like, and  be a good friend. Even though I don’t have time. At all… But for friends time is makeable!


Starting point (2)

2 Nov

So far, not so good. I haven’t been out this weekend but wednesday there’s a really good party with a lot of nice people, I’m hoping to have more than just fun, but a chance to execute plan 1.

Also, what I need to tell you: it’s not because now I have a masterplan with al the goals and rules and blog and stuff, that I didn’t have a life before!

Actually, I think I can be proud of what I’ve done already, being only 21 at the moment…
I’m the kind of person that always manages to do things the hard way, I never take the easy road (this used to be a principle I tried to follow, but now it’s just an annoying  coincidence). But doing stuff that at first I didn’t really like or see myself doing, gave me some really good experiences! It made me tougher, definitely, and I learned not to judge something or someone before I know anything about it/him/her/…

The best things in my life so far were, obviously, my travels. The two big ones were: africa, where I worked for a month and visited my kind-of-roots, and my alone-trip this summer, which gave me the biggest freedom-feeling I’ve ever had. I traveled alone, so I knew nobody in the cities that I visited, and nobody knew me, and it was awesome! I could be who I wanted to be, talk to the people I liked and do the things I wanted, for a whole month… and it was so much easier to have fun than when I’m at home! There are some exciting stories to be told about this trip, but I’ll keep them for another time, because I have the feeling that the point of my post has to be made now.

The point being… euhm… oh yes! The fact that, though I want to change a lot about myself, I also love myself and my life. Some people would speak about a love-hate-relationship, but hate is too strong a word. Maybe it’s rather a love-disappointment-relationship. Or something. Let’s not try to define it, just let it be what it is. Or not, try and make it better (because that’s what this blog is all about, right?).

Hm. That was not really a point being made. That’s just some random thoughts. That’s me!

Starting point

28 Oct

Before I can tell you about my goals, you should know something about who I am now. Then you’ll understand what and why I want to change.

I’m a really independent kind of person. I don’t always need people, I like being alone and do my thing.

I used to be shy but am not shy anymore, except when a guy I like is around. I have friends that I like and who like me.

I have a family who loves me and who I love, but I get crazy when I spend too much time with them.

I’ve never had sex. I only recently kissed a guy for the first time in my life. Nothing romantic, just after too much rum and coke. I’ve never told a guy I liked him, and no guy ever told me. This may sound sad but I’m pretty okay with that.

I am really motivated to make something of myself. That’s why I work really hard for school. But I try to do more: I’m learning Italian and would like to improve my French as well. I try to play some piano now and then, but should find more time to play.

I go out now and then, I love concerts, cocktails and parties.

I have some talents, but I’m not really really good at one specific thing. I would love to be special in one small thing.

I’m pretty, but not obvious-blond with boobs-beautiful.

I think to much and am to serious sometimes.

I’m sick of being just me, I’m determined to be more.

Okay, now that I told you the truth about me, let’s set some goals.
First: an easy one to start with: this weekend I’m going out and have to talk to at least one stranger. If I like him, I have to make this clear to him. I have to make sure that I look nice and get just drunk enough to be sexy and not stupid.

I’ll tell you what happened later!

I’m not…

28 Oct

… only the smartest girl in my class. In fact I’m not at all.

I just got labeled ‘the smartest girl’ when I was eleven. Since then, that’s the label I wear. People don’t question it anymore, it’s who they think I am.

But as I told you, I am not!

It’s true that studying is my thing. I’m good at it. I know that this sounds like bragging, but it’s not really something I’m proud of. In the real world you get nowhere by being a good student. There are other quality’s that you need to make it out there. And, for a big part, I got the talent when I was born, I didn’t have to do anything to earn it. Plus: it’s not because you get good grades that you’re supersmart, it only means that you’re good at filling out exams.

But people need clarity, they like boxes to organise their minds. So they invented the box ‘smart people’ and put me in it. To make life even easier, they tend to link people in this box to the same set of character traits. We, ‘smart people’, are boring, sometimes arrogant, we use difficult words to scare normal people away and we don’t know how to make fun. We read to many books and are easily recognised by our big glasses.

I think you’re starting to get where I’m going. Maybe I am smart. But I’m so much more. And it’s time people would notice. That’s why I started this blog. I want to show to the world, and even more to myself, that I can be more. I am more. You’ll see!